PARENTING You are doing it wrong
We talk a lot about personal and professional development, but I do not see much on parenting. I am fascinated by the young ones as they are so easily guided to greatness if proper steps are taken. Most of us parents are too disengaged to know where we are going wrong. I see the difference in my two girls clearly from two different approaches.
My oldest was very cared for and protected. She was always super sanitized, never did dare devil things and was always taught caution. We tried to be her friend growing up by protecting her and her feelings as much as we could.
My youngest is 6 year junior to her sister and was allowed to be free, get dirty, break her arm, fall into an empty 10 foot pool and was not catered to for every need and taught to take care of herself. We tried to be her teachers and guides growing up as to hopefully get the devil out like my wife liked to say. That is only a joke before someone starts leaving nasty comments that is just a saying that parents say sometimes.
Now as they are more grown and looking at the differences when they were both 6 years old and I feel ashamed as a parent. I feel guilty that I did not teach my oldest the same lessons I taught my youngest and am trying to correct for it now but it is so much harder at 12 than it is at 5. My youngest is very sure of herself where my oldest struggled with making decisions at her age. My youngest gets sick way less while her older sister because she was so sanitary and not exposed to germs growing up hers sick the most. My youngest does not care about her appearance too much and just wants practical clothes where my oldest at a young agar wanted all the fancy things.
I do see some differences in the other way too. My oldest is a lot more of a nurturer than my youngest was. She craves family time more and is an incredible nurturer to people around her including her younger sister. She is a lot more detail oriented where my younger one is more conceptual so what I am trying to say is I love both my girls dearly and they are a amazing in their own way, but due to our difference I parenting we have given our oldest a tougher path in life.
Please understand I love both my daughters equally but I do see the clear differences in who they are now and how each was at a specific age.
This makes me give a war cry to all parents out there trying to be best friends to their kids. Your ruinous empathy is not goin to serve them. You have them for a very short period of time and then they are off to love life on their own. Instead of protecting them from the world in their early years, you must prepare them for it.
If they make a mistake, let them feel the pain a bit and then teach them how to correct it. Do not teach them to not make mistakes as that is not human. Teach them how to respond to those mistakes and quickly recover. Teach them when they treat someone poorly that it is not ok, but most importantly guide them by showing them an example of how you treat a janitor the same way as you treat a CEO.
Your kids will be mad at you and that is ok as even that teaches them how to navigate conflict in the future. They need to understand why lain happens and emotional pain is the word kind so stop pulling them out of schools and classes when they face a little drama. Give your kids a little emotional intelligence at an early age by letting them work through it.
Be a guide not a protector because you will not always be around!